Avoiding responsibility

I avoid responsibility. Always have. Why? It’s simple really… fear. Specifically fear of failure.

If I don’t study in University then it’s ok if I don’t do well, I wasn’t trying my hardest anyway. Therefore I can’t really be stupid.

If I’m lazy and don’t really try to get a job, then it’s not because I’m unemployable, it’s because I wasn’t really trying.

If I can’t be bothered to get dressed in the morning or do the dishes it’s because of my chronic illnesses.

If I’ve done something wrong, hurt somebody, or behaved badly, there is always an excuse. It’s because the universe is conspiring against me and there was no other option but for me to behave badly.

If I write a song or make a piece of art and never put it out there, then nobody will tell me it’s crap or that they don’t like it.

There is only one instance that comes to mind where I put myself on the line and that’s in approaching women. There’s something about a woman’s eyes that makes any possibility of rejection seem insignificant.

I have always prided myself on being completely honest and saying what I think. But I’ve just realised I’ve been lying to myself my whole life. God it’s horrible when that happens.

Appendix: In the inetrest of being honest, when I say eyes, I mean breasts.

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