Change

I am one of those annoying people that doesn’t like change. I’ve been through 10 pairs of the same shoes, 4 pairs of the same jeans. Partly because I hate shopping and once I’ve found something to fit my weird-shaped arse I see little point in searching for other clothes. I only ever eat Chow Mein flavoured Pot Noodles. Whenever I go out for a meal, I always have scampi. My university friends nicknamed me Scampigirl. Whenever I go to the Codfather (local chip shop) the guy doesn’t need to ask what I want, he knows – Sausage in batter, chips, gravy and a can of Sprite. What we are picking up here, other than my unhealthy eating habits, is that I can’t abide change. Change confuses me.

Sometimes though, in life, change is forced upon you. Even worse, sometimes YOU have to make a decision, when you feel something isn’t right, that you have to change your own situation. You don’t know if it’ll be for the better or for the worse, but you have to take that risk.

Today I found out that my ex-girlfriend (who I still live with, and still call my family) is, to use her words ‘smitten’ with somebody else. I am trying to be happy for her (Jesus Christ why are you doing this to me??!) and hoping that everything works out for the best for her. Mostly, I am utterly terrified at how it’s going to change our relationship, which at the moment, is very good, far better than when we were together in fact.

So I’ll sit here, trying to convince myself that without change, life would be boring. Very boring indeed. After all, who knows what adventures await me?? And not just physical adventures… like kissing a girl or eating a Curry Pot Noodle… but soul searching internal adventures that may change my belief systems and change the impossible to the possible.

You know… sometimes when I go to the Codfather, I actually fancy a Coke, but am too afraid to ask, too afraid of upsetting the balance or the chip shop man’s expectation of me. Perhaps if I can embrace change, I’ll know what it’s like to be able to drink any type of pop I like. I’ll know what it’s like to be free…

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