Labels, labelling ourselves and labelling others.

For those of you that don’t know I’m a lesbian. How did I come to this conclusion? Well when I was 11 I developed a massive crush on my female French teacher. I say crush, I was madly in love with her for about 10 years.

I was a bit of a geek, I watched the X-files, not so much for the alien abductions and murder mysteries, though they were fun, I watched because I wanted to get in that feisty redhead Scully’s pants. Oh yes she could wield a gun and was sarcastic beyond belief and with a lift of just one of her eyebrows could make me…. Oh my…

So I did that thing when you get to about 15 when your friends are all getting boyfriends, lets be honest, I held off for as long as possible, but when the nagging started “Peewee wants to go on a date with you”, yes I’m sure you can all imagine how hot a guy with a name like Peewee was, anyway enough was enough, “I’m a lesbian okay!!!!”

So that was that. And of course young lesbians in a little Welsh valley town tend to find each other pretty quickly. I was lucky there were 3 of us in our class! 3! So there we have it my very own girlfriend. And she had big breasts and liked sex. Call me shallow but I was pretty sorted 🙂

So I was well on my way to lesbiandom. Of course we split up after 2 years when I got a massive crush on a straight girl. Obviously that didn’t go anywhere… but fear not, there was another lesbian in my class, so yes, once again, sorted. Of course all 3 of us dated each other at some point. We may as well have had a Ménage à trois type of relationship going on, still, that’s easy to say in hindsight.

So then I left my little valley town and went to University in the big city. My, my, lesbians in their hundreds! Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, fat ones… I just realised I’m starting to sound like a rap star, let’s not get carried away! 😉 Unfortunately I didn’t sleep with all of them, maybe a handful… if I was lucky…

So then I saw the woman of my dreams, I noticed her from afar because she was the SPITTING image of my personal tutor, who I, of course had a massive crush on. In fact, for about 3 weeks, my friends and I referred to her as Debbie Mason #2 (the tutor.) She had a body like a racehorse, in fact several times I had to use the upstairs loo in the gay club because she was in the downstairs toilet, and I just KNEW I did not want to MEET her in the toilet! So one day, much, much alcohol was consumed, and a young girl, with a chubby face, wearing a tie if I remember rightly, well I’d like to say I had the confidence to approach her, but if I’m honest, one of my friends pushed me into her. Literally, flung me across the room in her direction. I think I uttered something really classy like “You’re really fit”, still no matter, because she seemed to like me well enough, and yes, we inadvertently embarked upon a relationship. I was 20 and she was 42 and not only did she enjoy sex, but she was actually REALLY really good at it. Really good.

So 6 years passed, we moved in together, all the usual, started sharing each other’s socks and pyjamas, started arguing. I was messy, she was tidy. The Christmas presents changed from sexy red lingerie, to perfume, to frying pans, to ready brek. And for one reason or another, mainly the arguing, the relationship fell apart.

So there we have it, practically up to the present day. Save for my crush on Robot (married woman). 26 long years on this planet and still a GOLD STAR LESBIAN. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s a woman who’s only ever had sex with other women, and not ever had a dalliance with a man.

So now I’ve started dating a trans guy. Used to be a woman, now he’s a man. We have incredible chemistry, I can only assume due to the fact that he did used to be a woman. He is so cool about the fact that I’m a lesbian. Also he is cool about the fact that he has a feminine side to him. Apparently a lot of trans guys are in complete denial about their femaleness or their female-minded-ness. But he’s not. In fact, he was refused treatment on the NHS due to the fact that he still mentally has a female side to him, so has had to go private. The NHS has a waiting time of 5 years before even starting testosterone, and sometimes even then it’s not guaranteed. He told me that the suicide rate for trans guys like him during this period is 50%. Luckily he has found a private doctor who is not quite so ridiculously black and white. After all, we naturally have feminine men and butch women, why on earth not allow a guy who clearly is a guy, be a guy, because he’s not “masculine” enough. It’s beyond me. He’s 24 and did not want to be nearly 30 before being allowed to transition. Understandable of course. So he’s been on testosterone for 4 months and has responded incredibly well. The shape of his jawline has changed, he has stubble, a pronounced Adam’s apple, is bulking up. I’ve got to be honest, I was expecting him to have a booming deep voice like Pavarotti, but no, he seems like a pretty regular guy, if one much younger than his 24 years because it’s as if he’s only just starting going through puberty! But apparently one year on ‘T’ is like 4 years of puberty so he should be up to speed pretty soon. But he is completely ‘passing’ as a guy and now getting hit on by gay guys and thirteen year old girls. Lucky him!

Anyway, this lesbian has had to get used to kissing a guy with stubble, and hairy armpits and legs. But we seem very natural together. He says since being on ‘T’ his taste in women has actually changed, he used to like butch women, but now likes more girly women, of which he seems to think I am one. Lord knows why because I can sit with my legs wide open and clamber over tables with the best of them. But yes, I guess I am pretty feminine. Anyway he thinks I am the hottest of hotness and who am I to argue? And I am just letting myself go where I want to go. And my body is responding. We’ve had the whole ‘sex’ conversation which has put my mind at rest.

I do get a little annoyed at people e.g. I told my parents I was going on a date with him, and everyone wants to know, has he had the op? What’s in his pants? How are you going to have sex? How ridiculous. I don’t recall them asking my younger heterosexual sister how big her boyfriend’s penis is, but still, at least they are taking an interest. Could be worse! And I suppose it’ll just be something I’ll have to get used to.

I can’t deny I am nervous. I’m nervous about losing my ‘ridiculous hypothetical gold star’. You spend so much of your life developing your lesbian identity. It’s necessary. You have to fight prejudice from all angles. But it makes you who you are. I’m proud of being a lesbian. I’m pretty sure I’ll always be a lesbian. I love women. All over. From head to toe. I guess I’m lucky that my potential new boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind.

2 thoughts on “Labels, labelling ourselves and labelling others.

  1. He probably thinks it’s hot – that you like women. That’s what TV teaches us anyway! LOL. And for what it’s worth, I think it’s even more spicy and exotic that you are branching out to new levels rather than restricting yourself to a Gold Star Lesbian. It’s like you’ve taken it up a notch to a whole new level. I see as expanding rather than changing. This has to be one of the most interesting relationships that I’ve ever heard of. Talk about crossing all the lines, ignoring all the rules, jumping over fences, and being virtually indefinable. I think it’s fascinating. And most of all, I’m just glad that you’re having a good time.
    🙂

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