Who said you do things well on a full bladder? Was it David Cameron? Or Tony Blair? Anyway, my bladder’s full. I can’t be bothered to move, and I’m going to write this anyway. Ok so we have just established I’m officially a love junkie. I’m hooked on the intoxicating feelings of excitement you get when messaging a new lover. I was hooked on one particular person, I can’t deny it, still am. But as she now wants nothing to do with me… quite sensible too! Those love junkies are a liability! Well, there’s that and the fact that she was married… anyway… moving on…
So I have gone from left, to right, and up to down and I have tried REPLACING her. Yes, you heard right. I have been flirting outrageously with somebody else who has shown an interest in me. Oh, so much fun! I love it! But there is this nagging in my brain…. Nag, nag, nag…. Zip it, will you! Yes, deep down, I know it’s not the right thing to do. It isn’t working anyway.
So where do I go from here?
Option (a) Enforced abstinence. No flirting allowed. Go cold turkey.
Before you say yes, that’s an outstanding idea, get to know yourself and love yourself, can I just point out that I haven’t had sex in… two years… and my hand is getting VERY tired. In fact, I think it may be about to drop off.
Option (b) Just have sex with someone, some random people, pull them in nightclubs. Don’t flirt. Just a quick… “Do you want to come home with me tonight?” will suffice.
Before you say, great idea, can I just point out the obvious, that I don’t want to replace being a love junkie with being a sex junkie. That would not be good. But would it be better? Increased risk of STDs certainly, but less emotional turmoil? That would be a good thing?
Option (c) Neither (a) nor (b) but just pull yourself together and stop being a whiny codependent freak whose ego needs to be fed non-stop in order for you to be happy in yourself.
And breathe. (c) I should go with (c) right?
Well, that should be easy enough…. *cringes*