Part of the blog challenge from Swift Expression
Personally I don’t think it’s ever ok to lie. Not because I think it’s morally wrong. But rather because I, generally speaking, can’t lie. My expression is written on my face. I panic, I sweat.
The last time I properly lied, was to someone official. I was going on holiday to Cyprus to visit my parents but knew I’d lose my 2 weeks holiday allowance, so instead, said I was staying in the UK. I said I was staying at my grandad’s house in Bakewell. The only reason I was sort of able to do it, was because I had just been at his house, the week before. But all the time I was saying it, and filling out the address card, I was sweating. I felt certain the person knew I was lying to them. The likelihood is that even if she did guess I was lying, she probably wouldn’t have cared. The fact is, it’s not that I’m morally averse to lying, I just find it horrendous to do, I’m no good at it. And very often it seems so pointless. I hate having to keep track, if you’ve told a lie, remembering what lie you told, and sometimes it all just spirals out of control and you dig yourself into a deep hole.
I tend not to lie about my feelings. I tend not to lie in relationships. My ex was the same, she slept with other people, but would always tell me the next day. We just weren’t able to lie to each other. I think for the purpose of a relationship like that, it’s the best way to be. If I find myself sexually attracted to someone else I would tell her. And we would talk things through. And compromise. At the end of the day, I think any secrets, no matter how small in a relationship, have a huge potential to tear things apart. Trust is very important to me. It’s the best thing in a relationship because, I don’t know, it just seems like disaster-aversion. And it gives the other person the opportunity to decide, whether they would like to stay with you, despite the fact you’re attracted to someone else, or whether they would rather not.
In my experience of other people’s relationships though, I don’t find many that are like that. I would give advice to my friend, a straight guy, about his relationships. He would usually be doing game-playing, playing hard to get, that type of thing. And every time I would say “Just tell her if you like her.” Or “Tell her if you don’t.” It seemed this type of approach was very novel to him, and he couldn’t get his head around it.
My younger sister, on the other hand, is an expert liar. She used to tell compulsive lies, sometimes with no obvious purpose… just for fun. For instance she’d say “I had a cheese pastie for lunch.” And then a couple of minutes later say “Actually I didn’t I had a corned beef pastie.” Ok that’s a bad example, but I’m just trying to illustrate the pointlessness of her lies. But I know she is extremely good at it, and I can never tell if she’s lying. She doesn’t get the sweats like I do. She’d probably pass a lie-detector test with flying colours.
Generally speaking, I don’t think it’s ever ok to lie. I’ve not found a good reason for lying yet. Even if someone gets me a horrendous present I tend to tell them if I don’t like it. I’ll say thank you so much for the thought, and how sweet it is. But my experience tells me, if you don’t tell them you don’t like it, you’ll end up with the same next year, and the year after! Maybe you’ll hurt their feelings in that instant, but it’ll be less painful than them discovering sixteen years later… that you don’t actually like dark chocolate.
Also, I don’t think it’s ok to lie to someone “You’re not going to die, you’re going to be fine.” If that situation happens, I always seem to tell it like it is. It’s just the way I am.
Why am I like that? I don’t know. It just seems common sense to me. People think they’re being kind, but they’re not. It’s always worse in the long term. For you, yourself. It’ll always come back to bite you in the ass.