Sweet little lies

Part of the blog challenge from Swift Expression

Personally I don’t think it’s ever ok to lie. Not because I think it’s morally wrong. But rather because I, generally speaking, can’t lie. My expression is written on my face. I panic, I sweat.

The last time I properly lied, was to someone official. I was going on holiday to Cyprus to visit my parents but knew I’d lose my 2 weeks holiday allowance, so instead, said I was staying in the UK. I said I was staying at my grandad’s house in Bakewell. The only reason I was sort of able to do it, was because I had just been at his house, the week before. But all the time I was saying it, and filling out the address card, I was sweating. I felt certain the person knew I was lying to them. The likelihood is that even if she did guess I was lying, she probably wouldn’t have cared. The fact is, it’s not that I’m morally averse to lying, I just find it horrendous to do, I’m no good at it. And very often it seems so pointless. I hate having to keep track, if you’ve told a lie, remembering what lie you told, and sometimes it all just spirals out of control and you dig yourself into a deep hole.

I tend not to lie about my feelings. I tend not to lie in relationships. My ex was the same, she slept with other people, but would always tell me the next day. We just weren’t able to lie to each other. I think for the purpose of a relationship like that, it’s the best way to be. If I find myself sexually attracted to someone else I would tell her. And we would talk things through. And compromise. At the end of the day, I think any secrets, no matter how small in a relationship, have a huge potential to tear things apart. Trust is very important to me. It’s the best thing in a relationship because, I don’t know, it just seems like disaster-aversion. And it gives the other person the opportunity to decide, whether they would like to stay with you, despite the fact you’re attracted to someone else, or whether they would rather not.

relationship

In my experience of other people’s relationships though, I don’t find many that are like that. I would give advice to my friend, a straight guy, about his relationships. He would usually be doing game-playing, playing hard to get, that type of thing. And every time I would say “Just tell her if you like her.” Or “Tell her if you don’t.” It seemed this type of approach was very novel to him, and he couldn’t get his head around it.

My younger sister, on the other hand, is an expert liar. She used to tell compulsive lies, sometimes with no obvious purpose… just for fun. For instance she’d say “I had a cheese pastie for lunch.” And then a couple of minutes later say “Actually I didn’t I had a corned beef pastie.” Ok that’s a bad example, but I’m just trying to illustrate the pointlessness of her lies. But I know she is extremely good at it, and I can never tell if she’s lying. She doesn’t get the sweats like I do. She’d probably pass a lie-detector test with flying colours.

lie detector

Generally speaking, I don’t think it’s ever ok to lie. I’ve not found a good reason for lying yet. Even if someone gets me a horrendous present I tend to tell them if I don’t like it. I’ll say thank you so much for the thought, and how sweet it is. But my experience tells me, if you don’t tell them you don’t like it, you’ll end up with the same next year, and the year after! Maybe you’ll hurt their feelings in that instant, but it’ll be less painful than them discovering sixteen years later… that you don’t actually like dark chocolate.

dark chocolate

Also, I don’t think it’s ok to lie to someone “You’re not going to die, you’re going to be fine.” If that situation happens, I always seem to tell it like it is. It’s just the way I am.

Why am I like that? I don’t know. It just seems common sense to me. People think they’re being kind, but they’re not. It’s always worse in the long term. For you, yourself. It’ll always come back to bite you in the ass.

3 thoughts on “Sweet little lies

  1. I’m having to really bite my tongue about this post because I can really identify with so much of it, but I will have to answer this question myself once the Challenge is finished, so I can’t give too much away right now. But I really identify with more than one issue you’ve raised here! Great post. And funny too. LOL. I can actually picture you sweating and squirming and trying to lie. I’ve seen your photos; you’re face is too cute and sweet to be a bold-faced liar. That’s something to be happy about, in my opinion at least.

  2. Ahhh… this post. You are so right. About everything! I’ll admit I laughed when I read the part about your straight friend and his woman issues… I really wish guys would just be honest. I hate the game playing crap so much I just walk away. So thank you for having the common sense and knowledge to tell him to throw his ambiguity in the trash (where it belongs) and just fess up to his feelings.

    I also suck at lying, although I don’t sweat. But my face is an open book and I stammer on… I keep talking and talking and talking until I have no clue what I’ve said. It’s awful. It always comes back to bite me too. I just hate people getting in my face because I feel like I have a really nasty anger streak and when I get pushed, it’s like all my compassion just… leaves. It creeps me out and I imagine it’s not nice for the other party either! So I try to even out the corners just a bit to avoid confrontation, which never works, because like you said… lying never helps anyone.

    Now, I used to be a pathological liar… turns out people won’t believe you after doing that for years and years. They will also hate you. So ultimately, the amount of sheer crap you have to sift through after being a long standing liar… not worth it. Now it’s a compulsion for me to be honest, just because I never want to deal with that crap ever, ever, ever again.

  3. Great post! So many points i found my self nodding along while ready. I do have a morale aversion to lying NOW, but when I was younger ( teens) I wanted to lie all the time, like most teens do, but i just couldn’t do it. Not because I felt any moral conflicting, i just KNEW i would forget what the lie was the second it came out of my mouth. I have a terrible memory! It was too much work to lie. So when a teacher asked me why I was absent I wouldn’t lie like every other student and say I was home sick ..i would say what i really skipped school for (lets see i skipped school for a concert, protests, to go to union square in Manhattan and write..that was my big reason for skipping school lol). I most certainly can lie, but remember the lie? Never going to happen and like you said, it will just cause more trouble when you have to tell another lie to cover up that lie and it just snowballs out of control. Might as well just tell the truth and deal with the repercussions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s