In The End

I didn’t anticipate how hard this was going to be. Flashbacks of the last 7 years. Listening to her leave the house. It occurs to me, one day she won’t be here anymore. I won’t hear her leave the house. Slam the door.

She’s excited, running around like a little hedgehog. New jeans, new boots, a clink of bottles.

I wasn’t bothered about her having sex with someone else. It’s the other stuff – holding hands, hugging, laughing.

I knew this day would come.

It’s good, I need to move on.

I was going to insert Linkin Park’s video – ‘In The End’ here… but I thought, that’s a bit lazy Rebecca! So I’ve done my own cover. I don’t really ‘DO’ rapping, but hey, let’s look at it as expanding my repertoire.

 

Or listen here on YouTube if your phone plays up like mine does.

Oh good. She’s forgotten something. The engine’s running outside which means her new girlfriend is sitting in the van.

In my seat in the van.

In my seat in the van where I spent the last 7 years.

Where we broke down on the motorway numerous times. Where we waited for the AA in the Balfour Beatty portakabin. And wrote a story in the signature book – the book of breakdowns. And read the other entries. And laughed.

Could someone please switch off my feelings now? It’s getting a bit painful.

Oh Buttons. Buttons she bought me at the motorway service station. What are we gonna do?

15 thoughts on “In The End

  1. It hurts like a bi*ch to be a replacement but they are the ones that miss out on you not the other way around. πŸ˜‰
    Oh, and that cover is amazing. You got an awesome voice. :3

  2. What a sucky situation. But, i hope distance will help you heal and gain closure and overall get your happy back.

    P.s. i didn’t listen to your cover. I can’t find my headphones and my fiancee is watching a movie. so i will come back again to this post to give it a listen properly.

  3. I’ve learned, as you have also most likely, that there is no way around the pain- you have to go right through it. And hurt and cry and live with the ache that feels like it will kill you. Then somehow, you notice little by little that you didn’t die and maybe you might like to live again. Sorry you are going through this. I could feel the pain emanating from the computer screen when I read your post. Find your happy in your own time. Peace…

  4. It hurts like hell. I remember even though it was such a long time ago. sitting on the floor holding a shirt (his) and rocking back and forth and crying so hard that no sound was even coming out, just tears streaming silently. and torturing myself by staring at his photo over and over. in a way i just surrendered to the pain. it goes on for as long as it wants to and then it leaves whenever it damn well pleases, like her i guess. but it does leave, eventually, like her i guess.

  5. Hi Rebecca, I love your voice. You should be famous. I didn’t know your address or else I could send you a Christmas present of a cucumber. πŸ˜‰ Congratulations for being famous on the internet!

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