5. Swift Expression blog challenge – My nemesis

Part of the blog challenge from Swift Expression.

I was doing them in order, but no. 4 has escaped me… I have an idea but it may involve me changing out of my pyjamas.

Anyway. Question 5.

” Create your nemesis. After you have described your nemesis in detail, describe at least one new thing that you have discovered about your own personality by doing this.”

My nemesis eats vegan cupcakes. She’s a heterosexual female with a husband, two kids, probably a cat, and a pretty full bank balance.

She wears clothes from Marks & Spencer’s and admires Twiggy. She reads the Daily Mail, Top Sante, and Good Housekeeping Magazines. She’s a Conservative. She doesn’t know why, it’s because her mother was.

She does ironing. Life is not easy, but she gets everything done and doesn’t complain. She never really has any time for herself.

She watches Coronation Street, Eastenders and HolbyCity. She has a sky plus box to record programmes when she is busy, like when she’s doing pilates.

She slept with 3 men before she married her husband, and none since, despite the fact that her husband is having it off with other women every now and then. She finds out about this, and decides to stay with him anyway.

She wears high heel shoes to the pub, and has travel-straighteners. She buys L’Oreal face cream that costs £12 a pot.

She also drinks Caffeine-free diet Coke.

She listens to Michael Buble.

What have I learnt about my own personality by doing this?

Well. I just, unintentionally, described my mother.

Ooops. Well that was interesting. I love my mother. Why… why is she my nemesis?

Ok, so what have I learnt about my personality?

God, this is really hard.

Well partly, I’m jealous. Of the full bank balance. And the ability to… to be a conservative, to read the Daily Mail without getting angry. Of being sorted, A life gone according to plan. Marriage. Mortgage. 30 year job. Kids. Car.

And your nemesis, as well as being your enemy, I suppose, is an opponent you can’t overcome. I can’t overcome my current struggles. Financial difficulties. Health difficulties. Relationship difficulties. I would quite like all of that stuff.

But my personality, beliefs etc. are so far-stretched from hers. We are cut from a different cloth. How did she give birth to me? And why did I grow up so different?

But, if I had all that stuff… would I be happy? I don’t think she is. Not really. I mean, she did good, she did a good job with me and my sister. But was it worth it? Did she unnecessarily miss out?

And am I missing out?

I am in a situation where I am dating. Ok, dating women. But most of them normal.

Have you heard the one about the U-haul lesbians? It’s a lesbian stereotype. First date, have a good time. Second date, sex. Third date, move in together. As stereotypes go it’s entirely accurate.

uhaul

I just want sex. I just want sex, that’s all. I can’t exactly afford to pay for it.

Can’t we just, please, have sex? Twice a week?

The problem is, my personality, truly, doesn’t really allow for that. I get attached easily. I’m naturally monogamous. So here I am, stuck. Wanting sex. Not wanting a relationship. Dating women who want relationships, to get sex.

It’s a disaster zone.

Can someone please fetch me some man-meat? At least the man-meat understands I’m a lesbian. Therefore, relationship is out of the question.

Or even some woman-meat that behaves like man-meat. And does not want to leave her toothbrush and watch Hollyoaks together.

So, in conclusion, I suppose my real nemesis is perhaps not my mother per se, but society in general. Rules that are laid down, drummed into people’s heads. Be in monogamous relationships. Get married.

And also, myself. I am my own nemesis. My gender. Women form emotional attachments quickly. And strongly. I’m not any different. So, I’m fighting against myself because I’m not ready for a relationship. I know that.

And I will never beat myself.

Yeah, it’s a shitty situation.

I’m just fed up of acting.

I just want to be used and abused.

For the time being anyway.

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17 thoughts on “5. Swift Expression blog challenge – My nemesis

  1. Man meat and now, even woman-meat? You can cut a slab of steak off me next time we meet, but by then you may be cutting it off yourself. Your posts make me smile all the way through – I feel like it is my own mind coursing around like a wild crazy thing. Mind you, maybe you do not feel like that at all. And maybe I should say sorry, or something. Well sorry. Sort of, if appropriate.

    Anyway, it starts with your mum as nemesis. Then it is…um, your monogramous desire, and then, of course sex fades. True. Well not straight away does it? As for the idea of you being used and abused….not sure, you have this idea….but is it really true? I just do not think so. But then I do not know.

    Now the other part is the mortgage thing. No rush. My goodness, no rush. You are still way too cool for a mortgage – my God someone should just give you a house! I notice that by the end of everything I write to you, I sound like an utter imbecile. And somehow I have done it again (it did start out sort of sensible in my head if that is any consolation). Anyway, I send you my good luck vibe…..****

    • Lol thank you. I think you are much, much less of an imbecile than you give yourself credit for. Ok, that still sounds rude! What I mean is not imbecilic in the slightest… not at all.

      Also very perceptive I think. Is it true? I’m not entirely sure. All I know is it’s a feeling I just can’t shake.

      And I feel like a total fraud dating these well-meaning women.

      Just a complete and utter fraud. I don’t know why.

      Actually, I do know why. I think I’ve just been hurt so badly I’ve gone off women. Preempting the whole ‘it’ll end in tears.’

      Women are complicated, they never say what they mean, they change their mind every two minutes. You upset them, and you’ve no idea how, it’s like a thunderstorm, you never see it coming.

      I mean, I know I am a woman lol. Perhaps that is my difficulty.

      Men seem less complicated. Perhaps that’s a myth / not true. But I just feel like I would like to find out, as I really have no idea.

      I feel a need to try something different. But I keep on going back to the women who are my ‘type’ PhD, sophisticated, attractive, powerful lol.

      I tried dating people (person, rather) outside of this box recently. Actually even as far as to date someone who didn’t differentiate between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ and ‘could have’ and ‘could of’. But then I just got infuriated lol.

      Oh my life, perhaps I’m just a pretentious twat.

      Anyway, I’ve basically written a blog post in this comment.

      Thank you for your input as ever, and your good luck vibe 🙂

      • Women are complicated. Yes you are right. But men are cowards – or brutes. Maybe there is some other kind, probably wankers. I mean all men literally wank…but you know what I mean, wankers who show off sort of thing. Anyway, you got hurt. Of course you did Rebecca! You are cute and cool – and the ‘bitch’ left you….or you got bored or both.

        You just cannot give up now, for goodness sake. I know, actually that you will not….you have too many fun bits of you to give it away….and blogging will not suffice….o no! Out into the world with you! Conquer it for goodness sake!

        And do NOT go out with people who cannot spell. Or at least make them promise that they will let you teach them…with a whip.

  2. Very, very interesting. When you said it was your mother, I did a double take because I hadn’t thought about my own answer to this yet, but yep, my mum is probably my nemesis too. Non-stop battle that neither one of us can or ever will win. Similar but also completely opposite. Just gave away my own answer to the question, but whatever, it was really interesting to read that. And of course there was more to it, like being your own nemesis, and that’s a great point. I think in a way, we are probably all our own worst enemy in one way or another. Brilliant and insightful. Thank you!

    • Probably just as insightful to myself as anyone else LOL. Thanks for doing the blog challenge, I mean how else would I work out these batshit crazy goings-on in my head? 🙂

      • It means a lot to me that people feel they can actually get something out of it. I get something out of it too from reading their replies (like yours) and also working through it myself. I have this saying, “Understanding a problem is 90% of the solution.” There’s still another 10% which is sometimes the hardest part to solve, but understanding ourselves better can only help. For me, doing my ET course and “scrubbing in the corners of my mind with a toothbrush” as the trainers put it, is a weird feeling. In a way, it’s unsettling, like turning on a light and finding yourself in a weird messy room. But I’d still rather have the light on than live in the dark. Can’t scrub anything in the dark!! LOL 🙂

  3. Pingback: Nemesis ~ Art of Stumbling – Swift Expression

  4. I’ve been avoiding this one lol. Cause i sat at the laptop with word opened and I tried to picture my nemesis. While i came up with things and qualities I was trying to form a person. Two things came to mind, myself and my mother. But, I didn’t want either to be my nemesis so i went on to a next challenge. But, I think I will just grow a pair and sit down and write and see where it takes me. I’ll share a secret with you though. I do have real fear of turning into my mother. Once during a fight with the hubby and I was upset and crying and emotional and stuff and he made an off hand comment… i don’t remember the exact words but it was along the lines of ” you’re acting just like your mother” and i screamed, like shrieking screaming “I”M NOT LIKE MY MOMMA” and bawled. Bawled like a baby. I laughed about it now cause it was that ugly over the top screaming and cry. But, at the time it was like the worst thing any ever said to me and the poor hubby was clueless to that fact. I tell him all the time ” If i ever turn into my mother smack in the face” lol

    • Let’s hope not eh! I mean, I don’t know your mother but that sounds like it would be a bad thing!

      I don’t think it would be *TOO* bad if I turned into mine. She’s alright lol. -ish.

  5. But…. but I listen to Michael Buble!! 🙂

    You definitely won’t catch me eating vegan cupcakes though.. no thank you. I’m not sure who my nemesis would be, but probably someone whose (correct form?) life has gone “according to plan”. I might just start that tonight before I get too tired. Great post!

    • Lol really? Right, that’s it… I’m never talking to you again!! 😉

      I can hardly talk, I did eat a vegan cupcake the other day. Quite nice it was too. Had a vulva on it and everything. Perhaps that makes the ‘vegan’ content acceptable? The fact I was munching on….

      Yes, anyway 🙂 Good luck with your nemesis post!

      • PS Oh my God, I know, writing that… like I hope I spelled everything ok or I’ll look like a right knob!! I’m never sure about ‘whose’ either. And I only just learnt you spell ‘ridiculous’ with an ‘i’.

        In fact, I partly consoled myself about woman who I was hung up on by noticing all her spelling mistakes. Oh the pleasure I got from that… Sad, really.

        It didn’t really make me fancy her any less though lol.

        She’s still goddamn fucking amazing.

        Even if she spells ‘peeking out’ like ‘peaking out’

        ‘Peek’ is like, look, like peek-a-boo.

        ‘Peak’ is like twin peaks, like breasts.

        Just saying lol.

        e.g. I would like to take a peek at your peaks.

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