5 thoughts on “The actual words.

  1. My goodness, Rebecca, this really is raw and personal. I was able (as you can see) to read most of it, and I must say it is true that we stand always as children to our parents, even when we are adults….if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing that chunk of your life, for it was brave of you to do that. I don’t think I saw you vulnerable before. And of course we all are….if this is way wide, just delete it…

  2. My mum lives abroad too. She’d already left when I got ill, and when I did, I spent 3 days solidly begging her to come over and help out. I had a very needy step son and was completely incapacitated with the illness. She eventually came for a total of 4 days and then buggered off. Leaving me to struggle on on my own for a further 3 months. I couldn’t really get my head around it. She’s retired, the only thing she had to go back for was her garden and her husband – who is quite capable of looking after himself for a bit.

    I felt, and still feel abandoned by her. I try to talk to her, tell her how I’m feeling but she’s about as sympathetic as a doorknob. When I was crying on skype with her for hours in the middle of the night, when I found out my step son was moving countries and it was the final nail in the coffin of me having a r’ship with him, her best offering of sympathy was ‘well at least he’s not really yours anyway.’ Yeah, thanks mum. The next day she emailed me gushing about my cousin’s pregnancy. I’d just been telling her how I want more kids but fon’t know if I’ll be able to now I have lyme…

    I don’t understand parents. And being one myself didn’t really help me to understand my mothers actions any better. I guess they do the best they can, but some people just aren’t well equipped to be parents.

    I hope you can talk to your mum and perhaps get some kind of closure or healing.

    • Thank you. Yeah I think the whole “grandkids” think might be a part of it. I don’t think she is aware of the difference in the way she treats my sister and I. My sister has a long term boyfrirend now… who we know has “fertile loins” as he already has a kid with another woman. And the gushing over him. I almost cannot bear it.

      And she is not very good with my illness either. I try to explain, but she doesn’t really make any effort to understand. She finds it upsetting. I know she cares. But she can’t seem to get her head around… if she finds it this upsetting, how upsetting I must find it to actually have to deal with it.

      And I try. I try and share anyway. But yeah, it’s hard.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s