Was sleeping with a “straight” woman in secret.
(Explicit sex scenes.) “Yeah scrape it.”
Found out she was sleeping with a guy.
I was ok about it at first.
I was laughing at her, she was funny. (Something unrelated.)
But then I threw her laundry airer (with clothes on) upside down.
Me: “How the fuck do you think it made me feel?”
She tipped her cup of tea over the laundry (trying to catch it).
Her: “Oh shit, my bra.”
Her to me: “You were just a bit of fun, guy has sperm.”
Me “You can buy fucking sperm off the internet you know!”
I go into the living room.
Lie face down on the sofa, cry.
(One leg on, one leg off the sofa.)
My mum said “I heard her arguing.”
I said “She was arguing with me. She’d been sleeping with me all day yesterday and today.”
My mum said “Oh. She’d been sleeping with me too.”
Mum: “Actually, not her. My mistake. It was some old guy I slept with (Aged 85). It was about 4 years ago.