Wing-mirrors and self-esteem

Putting a depressed person with low self-esteem through the interview process is like hmmm analogy, analogy… locking a claustrophobic person in a dungeon, putting a kleptomaniac in the poorly-staffed perfume area at Boots, taking a homophobic person to Minsky’s showbar… you see where I’m going with this.

Grill me, like a slice of steak that’s been left at room temperature for too long and you know, on the side, or whatever and has e. coli sprouting all over it. Point out all my weaknesses, one by one, interrogate me, try and make me crack under the pressure.

I mean, you don’t know, you don’t know how difficult it was for me to come here today, to sit on your finely-covered old-fashioned padded chair and not smile, because I need to save my facial muscles for the interview, and they are tingling now. You don’t know that it’s all I can do to stop myself from throwing up. You don’t know that I just wrecked the wing-mirror of my car because I was totally distracted whilst parking it. No, and why should you?

Why haven’t I had a job for the past year? Well, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for that, Sir. Of course, I can’t tell you what it is. You need to hire the best person for your business. I get that. You don’t want someone depressed.

Flakey. Well. No, Sir, I’m not flakey. Having more than one previous career in my life does not constitute flakiness. Versatility perhaps. I will say I really want to do this. The tenth time I may have tears in my eyes but I’ll keep saying it.

I’m going to do this whether you hire me or not.

And I will be an awesome nurse because I know what it’s like to be scared and anxious. Despite my depression I retain a sense of humour. And if someone were to give me a chance I would appreciate it more than anything.

It’s fine, you know. It’s a two-way thing, this interview. It’s absolutely fine.

I answered all your questions, and I didn’t burst into tears, not once. That deserves a job if nothing else.

Anyway, I went. I did it. Whatever. Well done. I even drove to the garage and had the nice man fix my wing-mirror.

Of course, wing-mirrors are easier to fix than shattered self-esteem.

Broken wing mirror

10 thoughts on “Wing-mirrors and self-esteem

  1. Awe. I’m so sorry he was a douche! You are not a flake. You began and started everything and finished it. You got your degree. You had the business but the partnership fell through, not you. Some person reading a page snippet of a piece of your life has no right to be so condescending. He shouldn’t be giving interviews. The proper way to ask someone is “how come you didn’t stay with this and this place, or why did you change majors”. Life is full of circumstances and you have come a long way over piles of shit in the road. Don’t let this get you down. You went. You did the interview. That’s all that matters. I have hope a bigger and better ( and nicer) place will come along and you will be HAPPY there. I can’t imagine the employees working for that guy are happy …ever.

    HUGS

  2. You know I have this theory about interviewers. If they r a pain in the ass at the interview , it is a good thing. At least upfront u know what kind of **** head you could b working for. U r right , interviews are two ways , u r interviewing the organisation too. So i guess u wouldn’t want to work at a place where people who have broad experiences are considered flaky. Hey being grilled n chewed at, at interviews lowers anyone’s self esteem regardless of mental state of mind. I remember disintegrating after many interviews. I believe things happen for a reason (at least I try to) , a shitty interview prepares u for THE interview. Anyways, don’t let one ****head shatter your self esteem, I believe you r tougher than that! Take a deep breath , relax , think happy thoughts. Tomorrow will be better. Know that there r people rooting for you 😉

  3. Interviews are awful. You just must not internalise that stuff. And do not give up. You can be a nurse if you want to (do you really want to?). And I so agree, no way you are a flake…I feel like you are breaking out at the moment….*hugs*

    • Oh that’s not my car lol. No mine wasn’t that bad… and I have it fixed now. The wing mirror came off and try as I might with all my strength I couldn’t get it back on, didn’t know what I was doing really, but the man in the garage did it. So all fine now. Well, it’s a bit on the droopy side but at least it’s a mirror lol… and I can sort of see what’s behind me

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