Putting a depressed person with low self-esteem through the interview process is like hmmm analogy, analogy… locking a claustrophobic person in a dungeon, putting a kleptomaniac in the poorly-staffed perfume area at Boots, taking a homophobic person to Minsky’s showbar… you see where I’m going with this.
Grill me, like a slice of steak that’s been left at room temperature for too long and you know, on the side, or whatever and has e. coli sprouting all over it. Point out all my weaknesses, one by one, interrogate me, try and make me crack under the pressure.
I mean, you don’t know, you don’t know how difficult it was for me to come here today, to sit on your finely-covered old-fashioned padded chair and not smile, because I need to save my facial muscles for the interview, and they are tingling now. You don’t know that it’s all I can do to stop myself from throwing up. You don’t know that I just wrecked the wing-mirror of my car because I was totally distracted whilst parking it. No, and why should you?
Why haven’t I had a job for the past year? Well, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for that, Sir. Of course, I can’t tell you what it is. You need to hire the best person for your business. I get that. You don’t want someone depressed.
Flakey. Well. No, Sir, I’m not flakey. Having more than one previous career in my life does not constitute flakiness. Versatility perhaps. I will say I really want to do this. The tenth time I may have tears in my eyes but I’ll keep saying it.
I’m going to do this whether you hire me or not.
And I will be an awesome nurse because I know what it’s like to be scared and anxious. Despite my depression I retain a sense of humour. And if someone were to give me a chance I would appreciate it more than anything.
It’s fine, you know. It’s a two-way thing, this interview. It’s absolutely fine.
I answered all your questions, and I didn’t burst into tears, not once. That deserves a job if nothing else.
Anyway, I went. I did it. Whatever. Well done. I even drove to the garage and had the nice man fix my wing-mirror.
Of course, wing-mirrors are easier to fix than shattered self-esteem.