Answer to the question about the strap-on…

… and a bit more.

Maybe just stick to the carrots then J 🙂

I used to be mainly the wearer of the s/o. Two reasons 1. Well I liked to fuck women, still do and 2. I was never very good at being penetrated, just couldn’t do it. Had various problems that I won’t bore you with (Lichen Sclerosis related).

But these past few years that’s changed a lot, somehow, now I enjoy being penetrated, easily have internal orgasms.

But to answer your question. Both.

Rather confusingly, I don’t know if my enjoyment of being fucked in that way has lent itself to my finding men attractive. That seems a bit simplistic. But if you look at it from a fear of penetration sort of thing, I don’t know. For example, before, I couldn’t have had penetrative sex with a man even if I’d have wanted to. But that does not explain why did I not used to still want to do all the other stuff… kiss a man, give head etc, and now I do, very much so.

I.e. was I bisexual all along with some sort of unconscious fear of penetrative sex. Or was I a lesbian, well, yes I was, there is no doubt about that lol… who has somehow developed a taste for men.

Then alongside we have, of course, the emotional issues of feeling screwed over and hurt by women, fear of being hurt again, but miss intimacy, so solution… have sex with men.

But, I don’t like to be limited. If we are talking about having any sort of long term relationship with a man or a woman I would have to say, for my own sanity, I would like to be able to do both. And even then, I do not think anal sex alone (say me fucking a man with a strap-on) would be enough. Which is why I can’t see me having a long-term relationship with a man, unless it was an open relationship.

I know some people say, you fall in love with the person, blah blah. Well, it’s not that simple for me. Sex is too important for me.

And I do not feel ‘free’ having sex with some of these straight men, to do what I want with them. Maybe I just don’t have the confidence. But he would need to be an adventurous, uninhibited by your typical social constraints, e.g. me Tarzan, you Jane bullshit.

But then everyone is different, even women, and I suppose it’s just a case of working your way through people until you find what you want lol.

I just feel sad. To have gone from being with someone who I was totally free with, sex-wise, in every way, to ugh… awkwardness, bad sex. I suppose that is life. And I’m not even having fun trying. Truth be told, I just want that person now, with whom I can have everything I want, affection, love, and good sex.

I want sparks. And maybe a bit of piss-play.

But then it is not ALL about sex is it. Good conversation too, is nice.

And food. Good food. I’m a hopeless romantic really, despite all the aimless fucking.

They are two very different things; being horny in which case anyone reasonably attractive will do and well, the other, falling for someone, thinking about them all the time, riding your bike through the rain to visit them, even though I have a car now, but you know what I mean.

Ugh.

Can someone bring me my Wonderwoman now, or am I going to have to go and find her, if so, where should I start looking?

Noooooooo. You are not ready, that’s why, when you go out, you ONLY fancy men. You loony. What’s wrong with you?

If anyone’s read this far, do you have any recommendations of free (or cheap) dating sites for women to meet men. Because, well, for whatever reason, I just need to meet some men / a man right now. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know.

Actually, forget that. I’ll just stay home alone. And revise. Or something. Clean the house. Finding a lover can wait. It’s not like I want to inflict any of this on some poor sod.

I’m far too desperate and needy right now anyway. It’s not healthy. I just need to do that ‘me time’.

Devil on my shoulder: But you could do with a jolly good rogering.

Me: But I’m just not mentally or emotionally prepared for that.

Devil on my shoulder: Who cares, horny wins every time.

Me: But I think I may be making it worse. It may be making me feel worse. A temporary high, before a big low. It’s because I feel unloved.

Devil on my shoulder: You know what will fix that…

Me: Don’t tell me….

Devil: You got it! Clever girl. Now go get laid.

Me: Fuck you, this isn’t fun anymore.

Devil: Aww, would you like a hug?

Me: Yes please.

Devil: Here you go… *coughs “pussy”cough*

Me: I’ll just get drunk instead then.

Devil: Nice one.

drinking with the devil

 

Me: Goodness me, I’m lonely. Thanks for keeping me company Mr. Devil.

Hang on……. just one second.

Bedazzled

That’s better.

4 thoughts on “Answer to the question about the strap-on…

  1. Love this post….just love it. No idea how to answer though. The possibilities of being strap-on fucked by you, then somehow that not being enough…still figuring it out. Guy could wear a strap-on and could do it to you from either side. Girl could do the same thing. Girl could be….no I am missing something. definitely not getting something here. Piss play? Is it a good idea? I think of it as a good idea and then I think, crap have to clean the floor. Unless you buy some kind of nursing home apparatus like what dominas use. And then I cannot piss in public anyway. But I know there are some men that love waving it around. And when women piss, well, it is hard for them to aim, isn’t it? I don’t know, piss sounds better in theory than practice.

    Goodness, Rebecca, you are so damn good looking, just go and get whatever kind of steak it is that you need. Or sausage, or whatever. I am not good at cruddy innuendoes and puns….and I do not know why I slide into that here….I don’t mean to really.

    Anyway I got a bit lost. But I liked being lost….

    “LOST IN BECCA’S BLOG – THE NOVEL”

    Lost in space. That was a film or something.

    Yo ho ho we love Santa. Actually I have no idea why I wrote that. I still love the post. I still do not know what to say. I think you need to have fun. Ok here is the deal:
    1. Next step on the relationship to the world project – get a job (done)
    2. Next step on the wealth project – bank first pay (well one day)
    3. Next step on the dignity project – a new date night
    4. Next step on the fun project – night out
    5. Next step on the date project – hmmm, get drunk (check, you did that – good)
    6. Next step on the mum project (have another dream)
    7. Next step on the wordpress project – report back.

    Ok, that is all stupid. Forget I said those 7 things. I had to write them so I could think of this. The key thing in what you said had to do with you moving from being afraid of penetration to desiring it. That connects with me. Sort of. I used to be terrified, I mean really frightened of being punched in the stomach. I do not know why. I still sleep on my stomach because I feel safer…..stupid I know. I am a human not a turtle. Well I think so. Maybe I am a turtle, but let us pretend for a moment that I am human. So, now, and I mean pretty recently, I now seek to be punched, I mean terrifyingly even from a rational point of view, punched in the stomach. And I am astounded at what I can take, at how the whole front of me turns black and purple. Bloody amazing. The point is….the point is, well, doing what we fear. Yes, I understand that part. The thing that terrified us, we now seek. And I laugh, I mean almost uncontrollably sometimes when I am being punched….and being punched, well that is kind of phallic, isn’t it? I wonder if any of this makes sense….

    • Ohh you just reminded me I had a dream this morning! What on earth was it about? Running off to work I don’t get the chance to write them down!

      Some women can aim quite well actually. Lol.

      You are right about the list of steps… and the night out will be on Friday with my new work mates. (One of the dentists retired). I am quite looking forward to it actually.

      Date. I’m not sure I can do dates. I end up just making new friends on dates. It’s rubbish. I can’t do it. I’m giving up on that for the time being lol.

      Mum project. Yes. Must not forget about that…

      And on another note… you do want to be careful you don’t damage your internal organs, being punched in the stomach. You may be a bit of a crazy Australian guy, but you know, I do care about you, and the thought of you being punched in the stomach well I do not like it. Anywhere else 😉 perhaps. But you know, that is where all the important stuff lives…

      • Yea, I know. Funny one time I went back after a real hammering – not the first day, but the next (if you get hit, it takes more than a day for the bruises to all really flower properly). Anyway, we just cut to it basioally, and I was sort of terrified but drunk, and relaxed sort of, and watching my stomach moving as she was punching me….and I don’t know after about only 20 minutes or so, she was really getting into me….and she suddenly seemed to realise…and she said just what you said there inthat comment….”aw better be careful, there is a lot of stuff in there, internal organs and all that.” And I remembered muttering, yea you are right. Bruises on bruises do not seem to take as long…I had these huge black bruises on either side of my chest, and these kind of melon sized ones on either side of my stomach). But three weeks later they were all gone, and it was as if it never happened. The only time it ever went beyond three weeks was once when one broke through…but that was years later, and I let her keep hitting me anyway….well, don’t worry. I don’t. I don’t let people punch my face….they can slap me though!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s