Sunshine Award – stuck, trapped, a bit

Thank you to John at Writing the body blog who manages to keep me blogging by asking questions lol….. and wishing the sun will shine on me, or something. Well, it has been, and I’m the colour of a lobster. Camping, I’ve been camping on the weekend.



1.  I take the first of these from Ajaytao2010 – Do you believe in an afterlife (my answer was no by the way)

Yes. And no. And yes. And no. Depends what day you ask me. Today, yes.

2.  Describe the most beautiful food you have ever eaten

Well I had these really nice garlic prawns on holiday. And I don’t even like garlic. I don’t know why I liked them, but they were delicious. I’m sure that’s not my answer… but I can’t think right now. I still don’t think you can beat a chicken dinner with soggy stuffing. Perhaps that.

3.  What is the favourite thing you like to cook?

Chicken thighs with peppers, tiny carrots, red onions, lots of oil, cheese and gravy, potatoes with a lemon squeezed all over.

4.  Have you ever been so attracted to someone that even if he or she said something cruel to you you did not mind it?

Oh yes. That often makes me more attracted to them. Oh God yes, so very much yes.

5.  Have you ever been stuck in a situation you feel you cannot escape – if so describe it.

With my ex, arguing, I have felt stuck, and trapped in a house, with nowhere to go. Also, in a van, in the middle of nowhere. Though I eventually insisted on getting out and walking. Now, I feel stuck in a situation of… wanting to make friends with someone, who I can’t make friends with. Also, stuck, in a job. I enjoy it, as jobs go, very much…. And yet it is, wherever I am working, me being obliged to be there certain times. To give up my life,  my time. Though hopefully, I won’t feel ‘trapped, trapped’. No I mean, I will, inevitably. But hopefully if I want to change what I’m doing I will be able to, again. If it comes to it. I just need balance. I also feel stuck in a situation of being financially drained, constantly. And if that’s not enough, I have had the experience of being trapped in a depressed mindset, being thoroughly miserable and unable to see a way out. That is the worst situation I’ve been trapped in, the overwhelming sadness and despair of my own mind. Just horrid. Then of course, trapped in my own home, in my failing body, stuck in pain, fighting, unable to escape, when my illness flares up. Insomnia. Also like being trapped, unable to sleep. Loneliness. Have been unable to escape my loneliness at times. Sometimes I feel trapped, stuck in a female body. I have no desire to be male, but I feel trapped…. Unable to have unprotected sex without risk of pregnancy, I feel like a potential vehicle for disease. I feel stuck in a homosexual lifestyle whilst having heterosexual urges. I just feel empty, without focus. I feel trapped, unable to do art, painting, blogging. Unable to express myself. I feel stifled. Oh God. Lol. This answer is hilarious. Shall I go on? I feel stuck all the time, everything I do, every choice I make leads to me being stuck.

6.  Write out a stanza of a song that you think both really well done, sung, and reads well…

I can only say this one because, when I  fill up with petrol, if I use pump number 9, I always sing this song in my head. It’s Brand New…

“Number nine with my head on the bar

And it’s sad, but true

Out of cash and I.O.U’s

Desperate desires and unadmirable plans

My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent

Bring you back to the bar

Get you out of the cold

A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes

And they’re scared that we know

All the crimes they’ll commit

Who they’ll kiss before they get home.”

7.  Has anyone ever slapped your face?  Have you ever slapped anyone’s face?  Describe if so,….

My sister has slapped my face. Playfighting.

I have slapped my girlfriend at the time’s face, once. Not playfighting. For real. Anyway I don’t like to think about that, hopefully will never do anything like that again.

8.  Who is the movie star you find most attractive at present?

I am kind of crushing on this guy at the moment from The Fall.


9.  Why do people think it is ok to vilify harmless public figures….like Rebecca Black, Paris Hilton, David Beckham, Chrissy Crocker etc?

I really don’t know. Jealousy, partly, I’m sure. They are never likely to come across them face to face. They don’t seem like real people with feelings. People often want someone to vilify. We all do… vilify someone. For instance, I vilify most of the conservative party.

10.  Why, o why do you put up with me?

Well, I don’t. I ENJOY conversing with you. And whatnot. And you ask me questions, which you know I love. Especially when brain-dead. It’s a post-prompt right there. Oh and you are very interesting, that too. You make me think about things, always a good thing. Always.

7 thoughts on “Sunshine Award – stuck, trapped, a bit

  1. So glad I got here first. What wonderful answers…I could just ask you questions all day….chicken dinners…yea, and garlic prawns too, need to put a bit of butter right at the end as you are cooking them…..and brand new, welll they are new to me, and I love them (thank you, to you and Britt actually as well). And stuck, god I knew that. You have it tough, it just does not seem fair. But life never is, it seems. So the job has become a job. Afraid they do that. The best is if you get to stuff you like doing….but there is always a job aspect. And money and shit like that.

    Interesting comment on yourself and disease. I do relate to that, but I have a systemt that stands up to punishment of many kinds…thankfully. But I relate emotionally. And the pregnancy thing. So you are not on contraceptives…I guess they fuck up your system. And you have not needed them till recently. I do not think the men thing will work for you…but you sound like you need to do it. I feel as though I need to do it too….but men are mainly dead to themselves. Me too sometimes. Not now though. *Hugs*

    • Yeah I am on the contraceptive pill, pretty sure it is unreliable though. My cycle doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. And if I’m ill, well, it discounts it too. They suggested implant but was a bit like… hold your horses, it’s not like… well, like you say, I’m not really all for the men lol. Seems a bit drastic.

      I am not sure if the picture you paint of men is true at all. But then, well, what am I comparing it to, the ‘dead to themselves’ women lol.

      I’m beginning to see people as individuals rather than male / female / other. I don’t know if the sweeping generalisations I once thought true are actually true. In fact, well, they’re not.

      But I definitely have a more powerful attraction to women. More intense. But I’m certainly perving on guys now in everyday life. Like, oh, hello, guy crossing the road as I’m driving. But it’s more about their body. Whereas women, I feel like, I want to kiss your lips, your face. Men I do not have that feeling for. Not in the same way. I do not get nervous around men I like, like I do around women I like. When you fall over yourself and say everything wrong. Not the same level of embarrassment, because, ultimately, it’s not the same intensity of feeling. It’s more like… a hobby. A way to pass the time.

      It’s not that “All men are this” and “All women are this”. It’s more… what’s within me is able to respond to those things in women more than in men. Some women are a way to pass the time also, but some women are more than that, I fall in what I suppose you would call love.

      I have yet to fall in love with a man.

      • You write very humbly of these things…and you are right to take people on their own terms. I like what you say about the different beauties (I nearly wrote attractions) that men and women hold for you. Yes, I do think it is love, but this phase with the men must be a challenge to you…and as usual you are putting yourself through it. I sense in your comments also a comment on how I am generalising, and you are right – a sense of a not yet with men.

        For now, though, the men are still at hobby status, the women a far more love-project status – if that makes sense. All I can say is to go ahead, and do keep an eye on your own feelings and emotions as you do. Thank you for sharing so much – it is what I love about your blog. That and the music.

  2. PS, that is funny, you of all people going camping. And getting sunburnt in England….I mean wow,. Did not think it was possible,….lol only kidding of course…Aloe vera – break off a leaf…and get the juice out of it and put it on your skin, it helps heal. And it feels nice.

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