Medical obsessions

infusionPeople walk up the stairs two by two

Me, I’m one by one

He’s so skinny

I could blow him over

I can’t decide if he’s being a baby

Or if he’s just had enough

 

The nurse is kind, but stupid

My questions unanswered

Give up

Just do it

 

I love my blood in tubes

It’s so dark

And viscous

With bubbles

 

He makes the nurse nervous

With his nervousness

I can’t decide if he’s being a baby

Or if he’s just had enough

 

But either way, I like him

We’re already friends

 

He’s behind a curtain

Being told to drop his trousers

To assess nerve damage

From the numerous infusions

In his tiny arms

 

“It’s good stuff” he says

In his cute pink fluffy socks

That belong to his girlfriend

“Really good stuff”

 

Flash forward two days I feel worse than before and I can’t go back without developing antibodies to the drug which would reduce later effectiveness which of course the nurse didn’t tell me because she didn’t know and I wonder what I am doing and whether it will all be ok which I hope it will but I don’t really care I just want to be less tired I just want to go back to a time when everything was ok and I was ok but don’t get me wrong I enjoy my hospital vists I like the time to reflect oh I always say I’ll read a book I’ve got three hours to read a book but of course I don’t read a book because how could I concentrate when I’ve got stuff going in my veins and it’s freaking me out but it shouldn’t be that scary because it looks just like water it’s watering down my viscous blood diluting me and putting foreign things in me that don’t belong in me it’s not even blood it’s like water just unplug me now please I want to go home

I hope I don’t waste away like the boy

Cannula

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