Move the dirty tray with half-eaten Pot Noodle and tissues off the oven top.
Turn on the large hob flame.
Look in the cutlery drawer.
Orange plastic-handled scissors. Not clean.
Rusty, sticky, but I need to do this now.
Heat up scissor arm in flame.
Couple of seconds, can’t be that hot yet.
Pull down trousers.
Place blade on leg.
It’s hot and cuts the skin.
Heat up again, longer this time.
Second placement, parallel to the first, better, deeper, know what to expect.
Third touch, tentative again, parallel.
Pull pants back up quickly.
Turn off hob.
Burst into tears.
It was just an experiment, wasn’t it.
I wasn’t expecting the emotional reaction.
Look at it again.
The marks look intentional.
I need to be more considered, it needs to be better hidden, because visiting my parents involves a bikini.
And other thoughts
It has been such a long time.
But I feel so much better now.
I feel like I can rest.