Avebury

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Today I had an exam, which was what it was. But afterwards I went for a walk in Avebury. Lately I’m less afraid of doing things, and what other people think. Like trying to play the organ in the church. Couldn’t get it open but I gave it a bloody good try. Less afraid of running and falling in ditches. I’ve still got a long way to go.

Less afraid of what people will think about who I am, what I look like, what I wear. Simple things that you don’t even realise are holding you back, like wearing a bra, for instance. It’s hot out, and I want to be comfy.

Realising that you have as much right as anyone to go where you want, do what you want. Perhaps some might call it trespassing. Realising that if you don’t have money, it doesn’t mean you are worth any less, or less important than anyone else, or have less right to be somewhere than anyone else.

Just learning to do things differently.

And not saying that I am transgender, I can’t write that without sounding like a dickhead, but seeing myself differently, with a view of gender for the purpose of not being ‘a woman’ like many people would expect you to be a woman. Just less of a second-class citizen. It’s a shame that it took me to feeling male, to feel like that, and so wrong, in so many ways. But this is the world we live in.

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