A mediocre Christmas and a mediocre life

I feel totally inadequate in my life

After the obligatory, I’m exhausted, and miss the good stuff

I miss my family, Christmas is hard

I feel I don’t have anyone to talk to, friends come to visit, who I can talk to, but it is too much. I find it too exhausting. And I want them to go away

The pressure is exhausting

And so I am lonely, in a lose, lose situation

When I get tired, ill, hungry, or have the shits, I’m not nice to be around

I will bite your head off as soon as look as you

I am lacking confidence, overweight and unsure about myself

I’m making efforts, my house is tidy

I just can’t remember the last time I really had fun, because everything right now is so mediocre

I miss people, I’m lonely, but when I’m with people, I’m anxious

And I have a feeling I will end up alone in my house on New Year’s Eve

Unless I can muster up something spectacular, some way of caring for myself by going to the superhuman effort to make an arrangement to do something

I must sign off now, my face stings

2 thoughts on “A mediocre Christmas and a mediocre life

  1. God Rebecca, you of all people! You are in some kind of spiral I have been there, I guess, though not lately, not even last year….which was pretty out there by my standards. You are one of the most creative people I know! Take care my friend xx

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