I have been away from work for about a week due to illness. I went in today for a training course.
This means the surgeries are closed and everyone is in a bit of a jolly mood.
I’m not sure at which point since my being away I went from being the slightly strange but sweet trans boy to the laughing stock.
There was discussion about paperwork and names. I haven’t officially changed it yet so I’m not getting offended if they call me by my birth name, no biggie.
Then a bit of teasing about how being on steroids for my illness will give me a furry face, which I should like. I actually want to look like a man, not a round-faced downy yeti. But still, nothing too bad so far.
Then the training instructor is doing CPR on his dummy. They give the dummy a name, is it Jeff or Anna? Well he looks like a Jeff with his tracksuit on but it’s a bit questionable when you take it off, might be more of an Anna, maybe in the middle of undergoing some gender reassignment surgery. I mean kudos to the training instructor, he’s using all the correct terms. What is awful by this point is that everyone else, is laughing hysterically and looking at me. “Maybe we should call it Ben” (My chosen male name) dentist suggests. Now we have clearly veered off into, I’m sure it’s not just me, offensive territory and I’m really not finding this funny any more. I’m covering my eyes and laughing, supposedly, tears streaming down my face. It’s embarrassment. Luckily the training provider is pretty oblivious and thank god did not take up the suggestion of the name. I half wonder had he done so, whether anyone else would have stepped in and said, woah, no.
I have one good friend there, a receptionist, who actually makes an effort to understand and is sensitive about the issue, and able to joke with me about things (that’s fine as it’s in an inoffensive way) and she can clearly see why I am feeling the way I do. Who I actually talk to.
The rest of them I am fed up with. Needless to say, it does not make me want to go into work.
I don’t want to create an environment where people are on eggshells and nobody feels they can joke around me, but this was too much.
Of course we spent the rest of the session placing the defibrillator on Pat the dummy’s naked body with his breasts quite clearly protruding. And yes, it’s me just lying there on the floor, in my mind, probably everyone else’s.