Daily Heil

Depression hits when everything is going just fine. There is no rhyme, reason, just a cumbersome, debilitating (I want to say cloud, but it’s heavier) that stops you in your tracks. For me it gets worse when sleep is wrong. I have an 8-5 job, weekdays. This weekend I stayed up all night, went to […]

My own child

Having a child that is so much like you. It is you. An extension of yourself. A SAFETY BLANKET. A reassurance that it is ok to die, because half of you is left. Or two halves. I am at the point in my transition where I still have spot bleeding. I have ovaries. I know, […]

My body, it leaks like a sieve

I’m in so much emotional pain right now. For the past hour I’ve been crying hysterically. This tampax applicator had it. Which is, at least, not on my body. Not self-harm. Just melted plastic.   I had everything planned out. But it’s all gone wrong. I don’t know what I want.   I’m just taking […]

I don’t know

Two people today have in a subtle way probed me about being trans without saying the word, all I can say is I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know and that’s the truth because I don’t know. And I won’t know tomorrow. I want to present as male, I want people who look […]

I know.

Hope you’re keeping well. I can’t say that, can I. Something old people say. But I hope you’re well AND that you’re keeping well. I’m struggling. But not in a really, really bad way. I still cry. How often is normal to cry? How often do people, general people, really… Cry? I don’t cry because […]