Ileostomy surgery

I haven’t felt able to blog lately. I don’t really know where to begin. Everything going on right now seems to personal, in many ways. It’s always been helpful to write things down. This past couple of weeks of my life have been really hard. I had my surgery, subtotal colectomy and ileostomy, which was […]

Try Honesty

I bought a wireless keyboard. It’s good but I still can’t do it lying down. I am being worked ragged. It’s kind of atrocious. I’m exhausted. I have an exam I’m too exhausted to do anything about. The thought of having to get up on a Saturday morning to go to class makes me feel […]

The wound

Imagine if you had a wound, a wide one, like the skin had been freshly stripped off. It’s coated in yellow and clear pus. Imagine the wound was constantly being stretched and touched and never allowed to heal. Imagine it’s inside of you. Imagine it’s a self-regenerating wound that your body’s antibodies constantly attack to […]

Medical obsessions

People walk up the stairs two by two Me, I’m one by one He’s so skinny I could blow him over I can’t decide if he’s being a baby Or if he’s just had enough   The nurse is kind, but stupid My questions unanswered Give up Just do it   I love my blood […]

New voicemail

Oh hi Rebecca, it’s Kate. Um I just wanted to say I’ve got your message. Um unfortunately we still haven’t got space for you to start the um infliximab as yet, but I will be in touch as soon as we have. Okay, thanks, Byebye. To listen to the message again, press 1. Beep. Oh […]

Sympathy, help, where to find it.

I’m angry and upset right now. I wish everyone had to spend a week with Colitis to know what it’s like. It wouldn’t be any use, because they would soon forget. I soon forget myself in periods of remission. I can’t start my new drugs for 3 weeks, and they may not even work. But […]

Stress and bodily responses

I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. It’s a shame my body doesn’t know it. There is stress, good stress, excitement, gets my adrenaline pumping. I feel challenged, stimulated. Again, it’s a shame my body doesn’t understand. I look down the toilet bowl the water has turned bright red. I wipe myself, stand […]

Closing off.

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Words aren’t coming easily to me at the moment. Dreams are short when they come and soon forgotten. Yesterday my dream was that I was flirting with someone. I don’t know who. I don’t remember how. That’s all. I am still absolutely loving the job. It is a complete […]

In my prison

In my prison I am never alone In my prison there is no reward for good behaviour In my prison it is too hot or too cold In my prison I hear children being toilet trained In my prison I am not supposed to stay for any length of time In my prison there are […]

My despicable health

So here we are again… I am bleeding, have urgency, maybe only 5 toilet visits a day (because I’m holding it, would be more if not in work). My blood count is still low, so she wants me to reduce my aza again for another TWO WEEKS. FYI I’ve been on my normal dose all […]

Dear diary…

Dear diary, Or should I say dear sex diary, as that’s what it’s turning into. Dear sex diary, I have not had sex. Lol. I have met a nice trans lady with a nice big whip. I have applied for a job as a trainee hairdresser. Well that would be fun wouldn’t it? I have […]

Attitudes to illness. To our own illness.

Healthy person: My tongue is spontaneously bleeding. That’s strange. I’d better go to the doctor and get it checked out.   Person with Ulcerative Colitis on immunosuppressants: My tongue is spontaneously bleeding. That’s strange. Oh well, I will have a tin of pineapple I’m sure that will make it better.   Healthy person: It hurts […]