‘Coping’ with a stoma

I got fed up with typing so thought I’d try dictation You’re coping very well with having a stoma though said my mother We’d been talking about my decision to have reversal surgery In the grand context of things yes I’m not sure exactly how you know this what with living in a different country […]

Ileostomy surgery

I haven’t felt able to blog lately. I don’t really know where to begin. Everything going on right now seems to personal, in many ways. It’s always been helpful to write things down. This past couple of weeks of my life have been really hard. I had my surgery, subtotal colectomy and ileostomy, which was […]

The wound

Imagine if you had a wound, a wide one, like the skin had been freshly stripped off. It’s coated in yellow and clear pus. Imagine the wound was constantly being stretched and touched and never allowed to heal. Imagine it’s inside of you. Imagine it’s a self-regenerating wound that your body’s antibodies constantly attack to […]

Falling behind

Fallen behind on my blogging again. Haven’t been recording my dreams which seems a shame (to me) because I like having this little record here. Anyway, here is a song of mine, not mine, a cover of mine. I’ve done it before, the song, but this time I am actually drumming. And I don’t think […]

Matrix band, scalpel, it’s all the same to me.

I haven’t written anything in a while. Truth be told, I broke my laptop. I’ve got internet access on this iPad thingy, but I don’t like ‘typing’ on it. You don’t get the satisfying clickity click of the keys and I’m holding the muscles in my fingers like somebody having a cup of tea with […]

Medical obsessions

People walk up the stairs two by two Me, I’m one by one He’s so skinny I could blow him over I can’t decide if he’s being a baby Or if he’s just had enough   The nurse is kind, but stupid My questions unanswered Give up Just do it   I love my blood […]

New voicemail

Oh hi Rebecca, it’s Kate. Um I just wanted to say I’ve got your message. Um unfortunately we still haven’t got space for you to start the um infliximab as yet, but I will be in touch as soon as we have. Okay, thanks, Byebye. To listen to the message again, press 1. Beep. Oh […]

Stress and bodily responses

I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. It’s a shame my body doesn’t know it. There is stress, good stress, excitement, gets my adrenaline pumping. I feel challenged, stimulated. Again, it’s a shame my body doesn’t understand. I look down the toilet bowl the water has turned bright red. I wipe myself, stand […]

Closing off.

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Words aren’t coming easily to me at the moment. Dreams are short when they come and soon forgotten. Yesterday my dream was that I was flirting with someone. I don’t know who. I don’t remember how. That’s all. I am still absolutely loving the job. It is a complete […]

In my prison

In my prison I am never alone In my prison there is no reward for good behaviour In my prison it is too hot or too cold In my prison I hear children being toilet trained In my prison I am not supposed to stay for any length of time In my prison there are […]