Testosterone as a calming influence.

I feel like I’m relaxing into myself. Dark hairs spread down my thighs and up my stomach. I like the patterns they create. Stubble under my chin. A voice less harsh. Two semitones lower. I feel extremes of emotion less intensely. Positive, calming. There is no rage. There is a sex drive but it is […]

So turns out, she’s like a disease. When I forget…

So turns out, she’s like a disease. When I forget to take my meds I get all worked up, teary, and wish that we were in contact. It’s ok. I’ve taken my meds today. Medication to subdue my feelings, yes, that actually works. Suffering from a broken heart, a lost bond, broken trust? Just take […]

Sculpting emotion

When your dreams become mundane and everyday, so you can barely tell what’s real and not… it’s tough. Or when your life seems like a dream, a boring dream that you can’t wake up from, it’s tough. So now I’m a borderline face artist. I don’t draw faces, well sometimes I do. I sculpt them. […]

Capture of a moment

When photos are all you have left. A window into a moment of sheer unadulterated joy. People die you know. They really do. And so how it feels to look at a photograph like this. The the two extremes of emotion, felt together, the elation and the sorrow. It doesn’t even out. No, you feel […]

Does the feeling of guilt serve a purpose? If so, what?

Inspired by Swift Expression I suppose if I’m going to answer this question fully, I’ll need to share with you a time I felt guilty. Hang on, let me google a definition of guilt, so I know what I’m talking about: “Guilt is a cognitive or emotional experience that occurs when a person realises or […]


It’s fucking tearing me apart. I’ll sit here with the heel of my hand on my forehead, grimacing. There is nothing I can do about it. I have never felt this helpless. I have never had someone let me so far into their fucking life and then… what. How I long to not care. But […]