Scared of friendship

Scared of friendship. Acquaintances, some kind of illion, maybe. Never sure if I want to date them or be them. The feeling of being trapped. Belonging. Assumptions. Pain. Words. Industrial fetishes. Being lost. Feeling neither worthless nor worthwhile. History. Repetition. Shirley Bassey. Pretence. Trapped in an unhealthy situation. Habitual clicking. Fear and only fear. Adrenaline. […]

Stress twitch. Twitch. Stress.

The pulsating under my right eye that has been there for weeks persists. Stress twitch. Twitch. Stress. And I go out, feeling like some sort of somebody. Clifton Street. Cash point. Flashing green light. Insert purple card. £0.00 available. Insert blue card. £0.00 available. Insert grey card. £0.00 available. Insert dark purple and light purple […]

Rambling

The smell of flavoured condoms hangs in the air. The light seems so bright, yellow, unnatural, like burning sodium. And I think of all the disgusting but fascinating things like teratomata, or supernumerary teeth. I wonder about vagina dentata, the myth, whether it’s really a myth. Most myths are real. I drift off to sleep […]

I’m writing this for me and me alone.

I’m writing this for me and me alone. So Robot’s erroneous departure has affected me more deeply than I ever could have imagined. It was a deeply religious crush, a meaningful friendship. Everything occurred at a particularly eventful time in my life. It would make more sense if I had been abused as a child, […]