A happy ending

It’s the toughest time of my life, and I feel the weakest I’ve been in my life. Had to go home from work. It was (according to the schedule) an easy day. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even do the easy day. I cried all the way driving home. Every day I don’t work […]

New voicemail

Oh hi Rebecca, it’s Kate. Um I just wanted to say I’ve got your message. Um unfortunately we still haven’t got space for you to start the um infliximab as yet, but I will be in touch as soon as we have. Okay, thanks, Byebye. To listen to the message again, press 1. Beep. Oh […]

Sympathy, help, where to find it.

I’m angry and upset right now. I wish everyone had to spend a week with Colitis to know what it’s like. It wouldn’t be any use, because they would soon forget. I soon forget myself in periods of remission. I can’t start my new drugs for 3 weeks, and they may not even work. But […]

God, the sadist.

“Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can’t go on.” ~ Tool So, I started flaring today. Bleeding. I’m finding it hard to keep a positive frame of mind. I feel so let down. Here is a rather repetitive piece of music that possibly is more of an insight into how I […]

Torn

It’s fucking tearing me apart. I’ll sit here with the heel of my hand on my forehead, grimacing. There is nothing I can do about it. I have never felt this helpless. I have never had someone let me so far into their fucking life and then… what. How I long to not care. But […]