I didn’t notice that the drugs stopped working

Something snapped. Wrong place, wrong time. Reading about yourself, on the internet. Or other people like you. Look up meetings in your area. No meetings in your area. Swansea, Bristol. Inconvenient times. 12 steps. As if it were a flight of stairs. Get to the landing. When you live in a fucking bungalow. Infested. Dry […]

Ileostomy surgery

I haven’t felt able to blog lately. I don’t really know where to begin. Everything going on right now seems to personal, in many ways. It’s always been helpful to write things down. This past couple of weeks of my life have been really hard. I had my surgery, subtotal colectomy and ileostomy, which was […]

Hidden in the sheets

The last video here was one of me teary eyed so here is one of me not teary eyed to make up for it I went to the hospital. They sent me home. Going to go back next week and see my gastroenterologist. But at least I did something about it and am doing something […]

Try Honesty

I bought a wireless keyboard. It’s good but I still can’t do it lying down. I am being worked ragged. It’s kind of atrocious. I’m exhausted. I have an exam I’m too exhausted to do anything about. The thought of having to get up on a Saturday morning to go to class makes me feel […]

The wound

Imagine if you had a wound, a wide one, like the skin had been freshly stripped off. It’s coated in yellow and clear pus. Imagine the wound was constantly being stretched and touched and never allowed to heal. Imagine it’s inside of you. Imagine it’s a self-regenerating wound that your body’s antibodies constantly attack to […]

Medical obsessions

People walk up the stairs two by two Me, I’m one by one He’s so skinny I could blow him over I can’t decide if he’s being a baby Or if he’s just had enough   The nurse is kind, but stupid My questions unanswered Give up Just do it   I love my blood […]

New voicemail

Oh hi Rebecca, it’s Kate. Um I just wanted to say I’ve got your message. Um unfortunately we still haven’t got space for you to start the um infliximab as yet, but I will be in touch as soon as we have. Okay, thanks, Byebye. To listen to the message again, press 1. Beep. Oh […]

Sympathy, help, where to find it.

I’m angry and upset right now. I wish everyone had to spend a week with Colitis to know what it’s like. It wouldn’t be any use, because they would soon forget. I soon forget myself in periods of remission. I can’t start my new drugs for 3 weeks, and they may not even work. But […]

Tale of the angry overthinker

Life deals the cards and we’re all bluffing Time heals no wounds I’m angry I shout at people who deserve it Like the boy doing a wheelie in front of my car Like the man, that man I’m angry at you God knows what I’d do if I saw you Probably hug you – I […]