I didn’t notice that the drugs stopped working

Something snapped. Wrong place, wrong time. Reading about yourself, on the internet. Or other people like you. Look up meetings in your area. No meetings in your area. Swansea, Bristol. Inconvenient times. 12 steps. As if it were a flight of stairs. Get to the landing. When you live in a fucking bungalow. Infested. Dry […]

The warmth

The discrepancy between fantasy and reality Defence and anonymity from pain Sexual undercurrents Shame-bound Imagined relationship Dignity impossible No voice Threat of violence and instability Your presence Intrinsic meaning Misinterpreted significance Destructive love Terrifying human mind Metaphorical rapist Assault my intelligence This dynamic Your disdain All-consuming Time-wasting, ongoing, controlling, unforgiving Hope Delineated boundaries Perception of […]

Victim status

You’re a victim of your own mind misfortune favours you now everything could be so different destined for this loneliness it kills Master manipulators sap your strength fed up of fighting dirty Stability, a dream you’re too scared to have Defects emerge make themselves known mostly to you Overthinking Overdrinking Empty stomach full mind anxiety […]

Broken

Broken. I feel broken. I’m trying to protect my heart and in doing so strangling it, because it feels safe, like a stress ball. I know the problem is internal. In me. And anyone who likes me, admires me, or wants to be my friend… Makes me sick. I put my hand to my mouth […]

Scared of friendship

Scared of friendship. Acquaintances, some kind of illion, maybe. Never sure if I want to date them or be them. The feeling of being trapped. Belonging. Assumptions. Pain. Words. Industrial fetishes. Being lost. Feeling neither worthless nor worthwhile. History. Repetition. Shirley Bassey. Pretence. Trapped in an unhealthy situation. Habitual clicking. Fear and only fear. Adrenaline. […]